i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
