if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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