i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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