i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
