whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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