A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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