whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
