It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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