no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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