okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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