I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
