Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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