I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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