Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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