I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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