i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The power of my boobs compel you
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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