I think I died a long time ago.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
