I murdered the dance floor call the cops
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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