He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
