Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
