"it" just moved
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
