She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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