It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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