Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
