Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
