Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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