I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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