We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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