On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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