I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Randomize