where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
