Already got asked if we're dating
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
