I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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