He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
God gave him joint rollers for hands
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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