How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize