genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
