thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
