so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
