yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
