my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
