I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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