the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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