I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
