I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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