I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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