And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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