either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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