i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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