I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
