all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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