operation harelip BJ is a go
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
