My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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