i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
