I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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