Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
