Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
