The maid of honor just puked.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
