Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
