just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
