This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
two words: eviction party
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
