Porn is love you can see.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
