it's great music for shaving your balls
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
