How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
3pm strippers are depressing
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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