You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
