He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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